There seems to be something about reading a fictitious story and living many years in just a few hours time, that helps me make sense of what is going on in my world too! I don't understand it yet, but reading and writing are my way to process things, so hopefully it will make sense in a page or two (hopefully it won't take 200 pages!!).
Real life! It is harder to guess, to understand. Who are the good guys and who are the bad guys? No, that isn't my question. My question is: Why must there always be good guys and bad guys? Why can't everyone be good? I really want to believe that everyone wants to be good. I want to believe that even the bad guys would become good if just given a chance.
If they were loved.
If it was explained to them in just the right way.
If someone showed them how good being good feels.
Do they really want to be evil? Do people, in this story that I am in, really want to destroy innocent people?
I want to rewrite the story... or maybe finish it from where it is...
No, not the one I just read. The true story. The one about my neighbors. People from my town. A night exactly two weeks ago that shook us. A night when a stranger was on the loose in our woods. An invader who came in and shot a young, brilliant, loved, local policeman. A night when my neighbors locked their doors and loaded their guns. But, I slept. I was sad, but not really too scared. And the next morning when we learned the name of the stranger. One of our own. Not someone from the city. But, an evil one in our midst. Even as I write this it feels wrong. I cannot say that someone is evil! I do not know them. I am not their judge. I do not know their hearts... or do I? But, a voice of accusation whisper in my head: "Your town raises cop killers!"
"No!" I shake my head. We are kind people. We like our solitude. Maybe we don't always follow all the rules exactly (I mean, the speed limit used to be 40, instead of 35), but we respect the law and our public servants. We take care of our own and call authorities as a last resort, but we respect authority figures.
I look at my son playing with toy soldiers after coming home from visiting the memorial along the side of the road where 'it happened.' What can I say? How can I raise him to be good and law-abiding and respectful?
It is easy to grieve for the policeman's family. They have so much support. But, what about the bad guys' family? They are not allowed to grieve his passing. He deserved to die. I was relieved to read he was no longer a threat. - that we wouldn't have to endure hearing about endless court case like we did with his brother. But, part of me is very sad too. A weary feeling that I don't understand.
Someone said something that reminded me of a verse:
Romans 5:7 King James Version (KJV)
7 For scarcely for a righteous man will one die: yet peradventure for a good man some would even dare to die.
8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
It is not shocking at all that our community reached out to the fallen officer's family and other officers. The support for our public servants is overwhelming. But, if we really want to be Christlike, we should show love to the murderer's family too. But, how can we? They hate us! The are evil! We cannot trust them!
They too have children who lost their father that night. Some to prison, some to death. One child also lost a Grandmother the same day.
I know where some of them live! Chance are pretty good I may pass them in the store, or at a park. I might not know it is them.
I don't want them to be my enemy.
I can hear a small child's voice, in my imaginary story, playing with his toys. "Bang, bang! I shoot you dead! Hahaha!" I saw a kid play like that at a day care center where I once worked. Very disturbing! "No!" I shout at the page. Delete that! This is how it goes: The child grows up loved and befriended and encouraged. The community raises funds to send him to college to follow his dreams. He grows up to follow his passion. Not of killing, but something helpful. Productive to society. Someone we can be proud of.
In my story someone starts some kind of program to help families of criminals to change. To become GOOD people!
But, somehow it doesn't even work on paper. Even made-up stories have bad guys. If the bad guy starts to turn around and be good, do you know what I do as a reader? I ask, "Well, if that guy isn't the bad guy, who is?!"
I guess I know, deep inside. There is evil and there is good. There are vessels of honor and vessels of dishonor.
We recently watched a video called: "The End of the Spear" Sometimes violent, blood-thirsty men do turn their lives around. If we kill them they lose their chance to choose good. Missionaries willingly died, so that cannibals could receive the Good News!
It's not fair!!!!!
It's not fair that a sweet baby girl lost her strong, smart, loving Daddy because some fool wanted to kill a cop!
It's not fair that a couple families in our town have huge messes to clean up because the SWAT team thought they might find some evidence in their house. It's not fair that people had their privacy invaded because of something a friend, or neighbor did.
It's not fair that a family is in debt because they bailed their son out of jail for helping a friend.
It's not fair that a family can't have a public memorial for their loved one because no one wants to host a memorial for a cop killer.
But.
It isn't right for people to kill other people, especially for no reason.
It isn't right for people to plot against authority figures, our government, or our public servants.
This story isn't finished.
I can't stay up late to see the ending.
All I can do is wait for the next page to be revealed and hope that it gets better. The middle of the story is the worst!!
