"Creative people don't have messes, just ideas lying around." someone once said.
I'm not sure if that is true, or not, or if I would be considered "creative". I definitely know my house is messier than when I started cleaning earlier today.
Piles of books and boxes of books and some stacked neatly on the shelf. Which ones should I give away? Which ones are ready for the trash? And, which ones should I read?
But, I wasn't really thinking about the books. Something else was going on inside of me today... well, it has been for a while.
growing... developing ...
-which is why I stayed close to home today. Why I needed a little quiet. Why nothing really seemed to get finished. Why I forgot to eat breakfast.
It's those crazy ideas floating around and I am waiting for them to settle into some semblance of order.
It isn't the "elephant in the room" I want to write about tonight (though I might end up doing so before I finish).
It is kind of a story, maybe... But, this is a story that I am not very familiar with. I haven't looked up the verses yet, but I know they are there. They have been popping to the surface of my thoughts for weeks, though never spoken. Something Luke said, something John said, an answer Jesus gave.
Do you want to know why I haven't looked them up? Why I haven't said them out loud?
FEAR!
I'm scared that this storyline will change me. Some of my fundamental beliefs. Maybe it will convict me about attitudes I have deep within myself and how I interact with people.
Do you want to join me?
Okay, here goes:
We are going to the New Testament.
Luke 9:37-50.
They are just little verses, but I can hear myself saying the words.
"Jesus, there were some people using your name to do great things, but, they weren't with us, so we told them to stop!"
That was the right thing to do, right?
You're proud of me, right?
Some say John was closely connected with the "church" of his day. Maybe he was related to some of the scribes and Pharisees.
There was a discussion going on about who was the "greatest disciple" of Jesus. Jesus set them all straight by calling for one of the little children in the group and telling them the famous teaching about the first being last and the last being first and being humble, like a child... ya, but AFTER that, SOMEONE was still just a bit confused: ✋
Umm, Jesus. I know that we are all supposed to be humble and serve each other and encourage each other. That makes sense. We should be kind. I get that. I really do love my brothers and sisters. And, the kids! Of course, I love the little ones! So precious! I'm sorry I told them You didn't have time for them that one day, but, really, they are great kids. I just thought you might need a break. I mean, sometimes I need a break, and some of them are my relatives!
And, I really was listening when you talked about the prodigal son and the good Samaritan. Very convicting and powerful stories that I will always remember.
But, you also told us to be very cautious when it comes to the spiritual leaders of our day. Some of them just don't have their hearts in the right place. So much pride and selfishness! I sure don't want to hang around those guys too much.
So, I know you don't really mean it when you say you love us all the same, because I know you really do love us best because... well, I mean, I don't want to sound prideful or anything, but... WE listen to YOU. I mean, YOU hand-picked US! We are your top 12! You have taught us so much! I know we don't get everything right, but we try really hard. We sleep under the stars with you. We've given up our livelihood and left so much for YOU! It is great! I want more.
BUT
I'm still kind of confused.
Remember, the other day, when you were busy and someone came with their little kid who was suffering so badly from a demon? We did exactly what you told us to do! And, ...I don't even want to talk about it. It was really bad. You said we needed more faith and maybe we should fast. It was super humiliating. I don't understand why it didn't work.
Well, I don't want to point fingers or anything, and I'm sure you are well aware of what is going on. But, SOME GUYS that we don't even know, are going around casting out demons in YOUR name!
WE are your disciples!
We are the ones called by YOUR name!
You have been training us all this time and it has been so intense! I'm definitely not complaining, but, these guys haven't done any of those things you asked us to do!
So, I'm sure you will be glad to know we told them to STOP! That was the right thing to do, right? They shouldn't be using your name. You didn't call them. They weren't one of us.
I can picture Jesus giving them the same look I give my kids when they say something outlandish.
Ummm, NO! That actually is NOT what I said to do! I was not proud of the children who excitedly told me they painted the dog with glowsticks and Jesus was NOT proud of his disciples for telling "strangers" to quit using Jesus's name to deliver people!
And this is the part I struggle with. It is very clear and I shouldn't be confused by it at all. But, Jesus said, "Forbid him not: for he that is not against us is for us."
Ya' That part 👆
You probably don't think that is a big deal at all. I mean it is pretty obvious. Probably why it isn't one of the main Bible stories. Nothing to see here. John the disciple was a bit misguided, but Jesus set him straight.
But, it speaks to me.
Because I have said the same thing.
Maybe not out loud, but I have quietly asked Jesus the same thing.
Why do You let them use Your name like that? Did you see them acting all crazy? Did you see those people who were praying? They aren't one of US. They don't understand things the way we do. I won't say anything, but, maybe You should send someone to set them straight, it is kind of embarrassing!
I have had amazing experiences with Jesus! He has healed me miraculously! I have always loved collecting modern-day miracles. I believe in the power of God and that He is working and active in our lives today.
But, my experiences don't look like theirs.
Another thing, Jesus, didn't you say that there will be people at the end who expect to get to attend your wedding feast who you say you don't know? And, they will say that they did many miracles in your name? What about that? Sometimes people do miracles in Your name and they don't really know you.
But, somehow, I feel like I am missing a connection.
So I turn to Mark 9, praying for God to send the Holy Spirit to help me understand what I am reading. But, it seems more confusing the more "context" I get. Near the end of the chapter we are removing body parts! Oh, dear! But, it ends with, "Have salt in yourselves, and have peace with one another."
Okay, the peace part I can understand. I think.
Maybe my place is to serve Jesus and obey Him in what He has told ME to do. It might not look exactly like someone else. God is the judge and He is perfectly capable of defending Himself and His name, which He will do!
My job?
Love God and love people!
Not be jealous or prideful or condemning.
Jesus knows who are His people.
The interesting thing is that Mark and Luke say John is the one who told Jesus he had asked this outsider to stop. So, why doesn't John share the story in his account of his time with Jesus?
Maybe for the same reason that I don't want to share my "elephant in the room". It is something close to my heart that I am still pondering and wondering if I understand yet what Jesus is trying to teach me.
My eldest child is leaving soon to go to Youth With A Mission for a six-month training and missions trip. God has really opened doors for this trip! We can see Him leading and guiding every step of the way and I know it will be a great experience for her.
But, part of me is scared. Part of me wants to do this right. Part of me wonders what people will say. I can hear them already... or maybe that is my voice: We have a missions program in our church too. Why not go help serve there? Our family has been invited to Kenya, but we haven't been able to go yet. Wouldn't it make more sense for her to go serve with people we already know, or have connections with? Our people?
But, I hear the little whisper in my heart saying:
Forbid not!
Forbid not the little children
Forbid not the stranger
So, I won't forbid. I will try not to be afraid of something that doesn't look like what I am used to. I will trust God who is big enough to take care of even the smallest detail and knows exactly what He is doing.
And, even if I never understand. That's okay too, because I am only human and God is GOD!
